My favourite season

Autumn has arrived and it is bee-yoo-ti-ful! I lurve autumn, with all the colors of the leaves on the trees! plus, after autumn, is winter, which i also lurve! winter is so romantic, i think. with the overcast skies and the chilly bite in the air. the overcast skies. ok well, so it's romantic if
a: ur indoors, away fr the cold
b: ur not suffering fr seasonal acquired depression
c: ur not caught in a blizzard

hahahahha but i really love autumn. its amazing how many faces nature has isn't it. all 4 seasons have totally diffferent looks fr one another. while walking back fr work the other day, i was just thinking how glad i was to be alive to see the beauty around me.

it's amazing how some ppl cling on to life while others just seem to give up hope and wither away. i suppose the real question is whether u believe there's anything worthwhile in ur life to cling to. sometimes i wonder whether it's worth being alive if im' not finding a cure for AIDS or preventing nuclear wars etc. cos to me, my life so far has just been existing.

yup, existing fr day to day. no major impact on anyone. no major impact to anything. makes me wonder whether i'd be a clinger or a witherer.

so what are u today? a clinger or a witherer?

I am an idiot.

I am an idiot.

Seriously.

The powers that be gave me a chance to have a hassle free comfortable journey home to Swansea and what do i do? I avoid it.

I am an idiot.

I feel like the man in the joke who's sitting on a burning house in the flood who refuses the rescue boat and the helicopter while waiting for the divine hand to pluck him off the roof. Yup, I'm THAT stupid.

My friend was in birmingham at the same time i was and going back to Swansea on the same day i was. But since he was leaving around the same time my train was leaving and the journey time too the same, i thought i wouldn't bother him and instead be independent and take the train back.

Big mistake.

First, my train was delayed for 45 mins. Then, there was so many passengers that i had to stand for an hour and a half squashed in a corner. Then, i missed the bus and the next one was an hour away.

I ended up taking a cab home fr the train station when i finally arrived in swansea. So here i am, 10 pounds poorer and with a new found hatred for the train service in UK.

Lesson learned? Never reject a free ride again!!!! I'm off to lie down now.

Oh happy day!

Oh happy day!!!! Kimi has finally won the championship! I never thought the day would come! He must be the world's most unlucky person. I always thought he should've hired a medicine man to cleanse his aura or whatever needed cleansing. But, against all odds, he's managed to claw back (literally) the championship. Much deserved, methinks!

Anyone who's followed F1 would have seen kimi suffer race after race last year. From blowing an engine on the last corner to just being plain unlucky, I feel he really deserves to win the championship this year. Sigh, now i can rest, contented that my fav driver has won the title. What a fitting end to the racing year.

Hehe, now all that is left is to see which team will take on Alonso next year. Ok, i'm off to watch Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze, drool!

Oh man, am i broke this month!! haha and the next month too i can guess! Sigh, have credit card, will shop. Oh heck, have feet, will shop! I've been bit by the shopping bug. I blame the loneliness here. Never in my life have i been more eager to shop! I used to just enter shops, wander round, and then exit......all in under 15 mins! Today, I spent a lot (well, it seemed a lot to me) on a new coat ( hey, winter is coming!), some jumpers and food. I had to rein myself in or i would've bought shoes too! Sigh, i need more money!

3-seconder just told me about her new pups and do they sound cute! Aww, there's just something about puppies that just make ur heart melt, doesn't it! It even brings a smile to my face thinking of the little bundles of fur! Then i imagine them doing their business ALL OVER the place.................... and the melting stops. haha oh i'm a hard person.

Well, in case anyone is wondering, there's nothing new happening in Swansea. Did happen to see a dr's name on the board with my brother's EXACT initials and with the same surname! how cool is that! hahaha oh dear, i've just sunk to a new low.

so ok then, am off before i embarress myself further.

I miss being sarcastic!!!!! Sigh, i miss the old comraderie where our group of friends are so in tune and comfortable with each other that we know that we can poke fun at each other without offending. u know, taking the piss out of ur friends and knowing that they'll get the joke! ah ha! makes a smile

come to ur face as u read this cos u know EXACTLY what i mean! bet memories of past jokes are flying thru ur mind now!

oh how i miss those days! it's so tiring and boring being polite allllllll the time!!!! if i could, i'd rent a person and sit them opposite me and just crack sarcastic jokes at them! hahaha believe me, i'm serious. i'm THAT bored.......the problem with meeting new ppl is u never know how far u can push the line without offending them.

sigh, i'm about to burst.

Let my sarcasm go!
(to be sung in a deep rich baritone to the tune of 'Let my people go')

Mensa test

What is pain?

Stubbing a toe? Catching a finger in the door? Run-in with a knife??? nooooooo....let me tell u what pain is.

Pain is deseeding half a kilo of dried chillies with ur bare hands and then picking ur nose.

I'm not joking. It literally feels like ur brain is on fire. Feel free to find out for urself if u don't believe me! hahahahaha it was so pain that I actually considered snorting up water just to wash out the chilli residues!! And THAT'S what i call a mensa test!

For those who are wondering, a mensa test is what my friends and i call ppl that do things that are so stupid u wonder why they aren't members of mensa ( which is actually making fun of them, cos mensa ppl are actually very bright)

So there u have it, my own moment of enlightenment.

I haven't been online for a while. quite a while in fact. I've just moved to Swansea in Wales and man, am i going crazy!! I didn't have an internet connection for the first week that i moved here and by the end of 7 days, i was suffering fr withdrawal symptoms. yup! crankiness, dreaming of surfing the net and imagining all sorts of appliances were connected to the internet. i'm sure if it had gone on any longer, i'd have started having tremors.

So now i have dial-up but since i have to pay for it, i won't be able to be online for a long time. and since i have literallly no friends here, be prepared for the rantings to get crazier and weirder (is the spelling right? looks er, weird).

which brings me to my most desparate appeal. if anyone knows anyone in swansea, who is coming to swansea, or even THINKING of coming here....please give them my email and ask them to contact me!!! i'm so bored i could end up doing things i regret! the other day, i nearly started talking to the door!!! and when i walk around the pharmacy collecting items, i sometimes find myself talking to items. sigh, please put me out of my misery or i'll be the next headlines.

"Mad pharmacist found wondering the fields having tea with sheep".

HELP!!!!

Stop the nonsense!

Well, it's the end of May and we've been having glorious sunshine so far! I hope that it goes on and I'll be able to have my picnic in the sun once exams are over! Time to regenerate the brain cells using Mother Nature's recipe, fresh air and sunshine. Add a few bee stings here and there and i'll be all set!

I was online reading the Star newspaper online. Man, did my blood boil. Those narrow minded ppl are saying that women dressing provocatively are just asking to be raped. This is a touchy issue and I have no idea what these men are doing rattling the lion's cage. So does this mean that since they were acting distastely I can beat them up? After all, they were asking for it.

Basically what they're saying is, if it looks like a tortoise, dresses like a tortoise, acts like a tortoise, it MUST be a tortoise! Never mind the fact that it has a trunk, is 2 stories tall and could crush a coconut with a toe. Noooooooooooo, it had the audacity to behave like a tortoise, therefore it is asking to be treated like a tortoise and we should catch it, kill it and use it's shell to make soup.

But that's just their point, isn't it? Just because someone gives and impression of being something, suddenly all their rights are taken away! Well, I'm sorry but that doesn't happen mister! So we like dressing up nice, big deal. Granted, some show a little more flesh than others, but that's their choice. Maybe they like the fashion. But whatever the reason, the manner of dressing does NOT allow a rapist to take away the person't choice and rights as a human. Even if they were to walk around naked, no one has the 'RIGHT' to force themselves on them.

It's like giving a get-out-of-jail-free card to all rapists out there. It's not your fault, she ASKED for it! Besides, what constitutes provocative dressing anyway? As far as I'm concerned, babies in diapers don't count. So how do they account for all those cases involving little children and babies? Huh? Huh? Explain that!!!!!

And this is from the country that says good looking women don't need to work because they can find rich husbands to care for them. I've never been so ashamed of my country before. The patrotism-meter just fell to an all time low. Thank god our news never makes international headlines anyway.

Now, if only I could go wallop those big mouthed, narrow minded politicians. After all, they sound ignorant, their actions reflect ignorance.......they MUST be ignorant! Ignorant ppl don't know what's good for them and I have to set a learning example for the others. They asked for it.

Shiny

We have a new goldfish!!! his name is Shiny......because he's shiny. haha great imagination ya! he's just a tiny goldfish but he's so cute! i love the fat ones that look like a floating bubble. On his first day, Shiny was just like any other fish. Alas, he has now been corrupted by the others in the tank. Everyday, whenever we walk past the tank, Shiny will be the first one to press up against the wall and look pleadingly for food. If one should attempt to ignore his pleading and walk on, he'll start swimming around in circles frantically until you cave and feed him. And here I thought goldfish were stupid. Well, so much for the 3 second memory theory!!!

I've also had a slight setback this week. It's exam month now and I just had my first paper. Let's just say I'm very dissapointed in myself. Careless mistakes were made and I can only hope that it hasn't cost me too dearly. It took some time after the exam for me to exit from the cloud of depression that surrounded me. Later that night, I had this image of a hurdle race. Life is like that race. Forrest Gump was spot on when he said 'Life was like a box of chocolate'. But to me, it's more like the 400m hurdles. We'll always come across obstacles and even if we stumble or fall, the race doesn't end there. We just have to keep on going. Any athlete will tell you that. The race has to go on.

So now, with my self-confidence restored but fragile, all I have to do is pick myself up, dust myself off and continue running. Hopefully, I'll be able to clear the remaining hurdles with room to spare.

Something funny on telly

I was watching tv the other day and i have to say, it just made me roll on the floor laughing. it was a reality show to find the lead actor for a musical. the title was joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat. the show itself was quite entertaining but didn't make me burst with mirth.

noooooooo, it was the ending! the ending where one unlucky contestant comes to the end of his quest for fame. it started out normal enough, the poor soul's name gets announced and then they take a look back at his journey thus far. hehe after that, all the remaining contestants grouped around and performed a farewell song for him. the opening lines were.......'oh joseph, what will you do now.'

hahahahahahaha now, if that isn't rubbing salt into the wound, i don't know what is. it was hilarious!!! i didn't know if it was a real song or if it was especially penned for the finale after a contestant is booted out. was my first time watching. and if that was not enough, sometime later in the song, the other guys proceeded to strip him of his beautiful, shiny, coat........effectively stating the obvious fact that he's out of the competition.

sigh, i've never enjoyed an elimination so much. i really take my hats off to the ppl that thought of this. it has truly made my day.

To talk or not to talk.........

It's amazing how some people always say that honesty is the best policy and that we should 'get it off our chest' by voicing our frustrations. But sometimes, don't you come across certain people and think ' just shut the **** up!'.

to talk or not to talk..........the million dollar question. I'm sure that around the world, millions of men are wishing that their other halves would just take pity and TELL them what the problem is, instead of making them figure it out themselves, while they stew and bubble away, preparing for total meltdown.

and then, there's the people who know other people that just will not shut up and babble away, expressing every thought and feeling!! i mean, get a grip!!! and not to forget those who have no tact whatsoever in their entire body and just blurt out what's in their minds. sigh, brain before mouth dearie. think about it first, then let it out. it's not rocket science.

I suppose the only solution is to accept the fact that certain situations call for different solutions. we need to know when to talk and when to listen. we need to accept the fact that our actions will have consequences and affect the people around us.

so for all those people out there, take a good look around u and see if ur unwillingness to voice ur frustrations is hurting those around you. and for those who share too much, learn when to just listen to others. u'll be surprised at what you hear.

T.G.F.M.W

Hihi it's me again and I write this in great excitement and amusement. I have just been to the Mr World website and let me say without embarressment that it's really perked me up a lot!

haha i was beginning to consider sticking my head in the oven after studying formulations and pharmaceutics when I saw the news announcing the winner on the BBC website. Decided to google Mr World on the internet and got the homepage of the contest. Sigh, I think I'm in heaven. hahahahahaha

ok so most people by now will think I'm this ultra hormonal girl and well, you wouldn't be far off. But I prefer to think of myself as an art lover who loves looking at beautiful pictures. To me, a good looking person, male or female, is like a work of art. Torn apart, they may have not so beautiful features but put together, they're a joy to look at. Yea, yea I'm in denial. You don't disturb me in my la-la-land and I won't disturb you in yours. ;)

Which brings me to my amusement while flipping through the pictures. I was a little sceptical that they were all so good looking and in the peak of health (judging from the look of their six-pack!). I mean, how can these people look so good!!! And then it hit me that this probably comes at a price. Imagine all the hours working out at the gym and eating healthily! I'd probably last for oh,about an hour and then I'll just give in and reach for the nearest muffin.

Mr World is to the men what Miss World is to women. ok duh! anyone could see that. But did anyone watch the contest!?!!? The winner was actually crying when he won! Hehe I didn't know men actually cried that easily. Well, maybe this is the era of the metrosexual man who is in touch with his feelings. My mind is still stuck in the dark ages where men didn't cry or do anything emotional. Was amused to see them kissing each other and the amount of hugging going around!!!!

Sigh, a whole stage full of super good looking men, with all the atributes a most eligible bachelor would have. Man, what I wouldn't give to be a piece of confetti on that stage.

Solitude

I've always wondered what the joy was in eating alone. I try to never eat alone if I can help it. Even in uni, when lunch time comes I always drag a victim to eat with, willing or unwilling. There's an episode in 'Friends' where Rachel eats alone and discovers the joy of spending time with herself but then this cute guy she's interested in thinks she's a loser for eating alone.

Is it just eating alone or does it apply to everything we do? I never liked doing anything alone until the time came when I didn't have a choice. Over time, my friends and I went on different paths and now I find myself without a partner in crime. I've taken to shopping alone and sometimes eating alone. In fact, I do everything by myself! I didn't like it at first and I still don't enjoy it per se but there IS a feeling of......well, it's a pleasant feeling.

I don't know if it's because I surrounded by people everyday so I relish the time I have by myself. But lately, I find myself enjoying the solitude more and more. When shopping, I like the fact that I can just dart in and out of shops at will without having to yell at someone to stop and change course. There's no pressure to make small talk when you're feeling tired. I also like the silence when there's no one talking nonsense to you when you just want to relax and daydream.

However, on the down side, it's is boring not having someone by your side while you poke fun at the latest fashion or while you cringe at the multi-colored hair of the punk teen skating by. During lunch, there's no one to make silly jokes with or just chat nonsense with.

Although I sometimes dread it, I have learned to embrace the solitude and hope my newfound enjoyment of it does not mean I'm on my way to being a hermit.

Here's to you babe!

Hi there again! I'm still in a good mood, phew! My mood was made even better by the news my friend gave me. Turns out, I may be able to make it back in time for her wedding after all! Yippee! Now, if THAT didn't bring a big ol grin to my face, I don't know what will.

I've known this friend for many years now. Let's call her Sunshine. Sunshine was there when I just started working, all alone in the big bad world with no knowledge in my head whatsoever. She lent me common sense when mine deserted me and shared my burdens with me, no matter how trivial and insignificant. Later, as we went separate ways, we've remained good friends and she's always let me whine on her shoulder. Distance was not an issue.

Sunshine's getting married this year. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! And I am really glad that she's found happiness. My whining a few blogs ago might lead u to think I'm against marriage. I'm not actually. I'm just annoyed that some people think it's the Holy Grail in this world. I'm really glad Sunshine has found her Holy Grail. Sometimes, I think I'll never find it, but then, I look at Sunshine and sometimes, it just makes me believe that it just might happen to me. Her story gives me hope. But all was not rosy and the journey hasn't been smooth for her, I know. The course of true love never did run true.

I would just like to tell her that the journey might not be smooth after this as well. Things or people that made her unhappy or doubt herself in the past, will still make her unhappy or doubt herself. But I hope that she will be able to look in the mirror and see what I see, a mature (somewhat flakey) girl/woman who's heart is as big as her smile. I hope she never doubts herself or the choices she's made because I know that she'd have thought of all options and gone with the best one. Although it may not be the most popular choice, I'm confident that Sunshine will have made the right choice. That choice may have driven people away or caused rifts, but life is like that. You can't please everyone. So, just please yourself! HAHAHAHAHA!

Yes, I'm THAT confident of Sunshine and I hope that some of my confidence, will be able to push it's away the clouds of doubt and let the sun shine through.

To Sunshine, congratulations and YAM SENG!

Nature's show

Hi hi! I'm in a good mood today, out of my slump of depression. Between you and me, I prefer being on this end of the spectrum. Too many deep thought the previous week. My brain is dead tired from thinking so much. Between assignments and studying, it's handled all the thinking it's capable of.

Part of the reason why I'm in such a good mood is the fact that it snowed today! Yup I'm a sucker for snow ;) I like it all pristine on the ground but when it starts to melt, I'm outta here! Yes, yes, I'm THAT kinda person. Like to play, but don't want to clean up the mess.

Nothing brings a grin to my face (and I say GRIN) other than waking up to a white world covered with a fresh blanket of snow. It just looks so pretty and magical covering everything! If you've ever sprinkled icing sugar over a muffin, you'll know what I mean. There's just something innocent and magical about snow that brings out the child in me. When it snowed last month I just had this big ol goofy grin all the way in to class.

We've been having sunshine and clear skies for the past week so today's snow was really out of place. It's been forecast for the next few days too. Sigh, time to unpack the winter coat again. It started out like a typically beautiful sunshine-y day when suddenly the clouds blew in, fog settled and it started to snow. And boy, did it snow! Haha the winds picked up and you could see the snow swirl all around. Made me glad I was indoors at the time! And after about an hour of this fierce dance of snowflakes, it all died down, the clouds blew away and the sun came out! It felt like God was saying 'Right, show's over guys, time to get on with it' and just flicked a switch. It was amazing!

So now you know why I'm so happy. Let it snow, let it snow!

To singing out loud

I was seated on the top deck of a double-decker bus the other day when this guy in front of me just jumped up, ran to the seat right in the front and proceeded to sing Take That's 'Shine' at the top of his lungs. The whole bus burst out into amused laughter but he didn't care. He had his headphones plugged in and was singing and shimmying to the music. Bless him, nearly brought a tear to my eye to see him enjoying himself like that. Did he care that people thought he was one can short of a six-pack? Did he care that he'd embarressed himself in front of total strangers?

Heck no!

He didn't give a rat's ass! When the song ended, he just stood up, said 'Not bad for so early on a Thursday morning!' and got off at his stop. Perhaps, I should mention at this point that this guy wasn't like you and me. He was a 10 year old in a 19 year old's body. I heard him calling his friend on his mobile and you could hear the pride in his voice when he told his friend he was going into town all by himself. Things that we took for granted in our daily lives gave this man such a feeling of accomplishment. I was moved by this unknown stranger.

This stranger was probably never going to realise it, but he made me feel ashamed of myself. Ashamed of all the times I didn't do anything because I was too afraid to try. To afraid to humiliate myself in front of friends or other strangers. This man was singing out loud on a crowded bus because he wanted to. Because the song moved him and tapping his feet just wouldn't do. I envied this man his bravery and gusto. I wished that I had the bravery to express my feelings and overcome my fear of humiliation.

A previous housemate once told me that he didn't know what was going on in my head because I never told anyone what I felt. I thought he was just trying on some cheap line. But years later, looking back, I realised that he's right. He only knew me for 6 months but yet saw a fundamental flaw in me that even I couldn't see.

I'm good at hiding my feelings. I admit that. Even if something was bothering me, I'd just grin and bear it and then cry later in bed. It was just the way things were. If I didn't show my feelings or opinions, no one would be able to laugh at them or use them against me. Maybe this is why I'm forgettable. There's two kinds of people in this world......the forgettable ones and the unforgettable ones. I belong in the first category. I wish I was in the second one but well, life aint' fair anyway.

Inhibitions are what hold us back. They prevent us from fully expressing ourselves. What's wrong with looking like a fool in front of everyone? They don't know you anyway and well, the world won't come to an end just because you were humiliated. But I don't know why, I don't like looking stupid. It's my biggest fear. Every time I have to do something, I pray that I don't look the fool. That's why I dread new situations. Familiarity lessens the risk of being embarrased.

So on this sunny Thursday morning, I look enviously at a young man who is so proud to go into town alone, singing his heart out to his favourite song, fearless of the world and what they think. I wish I could be like that.

Digging deep

This one is dedicated to the girls.

When we were younger, life revolved around getting home in time to watch the Smurfs.

A few years later, it involved meeting friends for trips to the mall, or tuition or just on the journey home from school.

Then we were off to college where we discovered a whole new world of knowledge and self confidence. Some of us lucky ones found our calling in life and worked toward achieving it. Some succeeded, some didn't. All in all, it was a journey to adulthood.

Come adulthood, talk centres around careers and mortgages and down payments......and relationships. All of a sudden, aunts and uncles you don't even remember are asking whether you're attached or getting married.

Seems to me that in society, your success in life is measured by whether you've started your own family. It doesn't matter that you might be brilliant in physics, invented the new Viagra or discovered the secret of time travel. It all comes to nought if you're not married. You could be a president of a multi-billion dollar company or a chair of the rocket science board but you can just hear the awkward silence when people find out you're not married. How many times have we heard the jibes directed at the new boss for being 'difficult' just because she's a spinster?

I am lucky to be able to further my tertiary education to a level that might be considered unnecessary for a girl by old standards. Yet, I've reached an age where I feel that no one seems to care whether I am doing well in my work or studies. It's all about whether I have a boyfriend or not. Recently, I feel that I might as well be working at a gas station as long as I have a boyfriend. Because without one, I'm a failure in life. I have failed at my purpose on earth, to procreate and repopulate the earth.

I'm not against getting attached. It's just that things like this is not like going to the nearest mini-mart and scanning the aisles. If I could choose, I would love to have someone that I could share my feelings with, someone who would love me as much as my parents do. Someone who I would matter to. It's a nice feeling knowing that in this whole world, there's someone that thinks about you every night. A nice feeling knowing you're not invisible in this world.

But if I don't have that someone, am I considered a failure? Current polls seem to think that I am. Despite all the bra burning back in the 70s, your status in life is measured by the band on your finger. Every romance movie made always has the girl ending up with the man of her dreams. Never once, does she lead a comfortable, successful, happy life on her own. Aren't we subcounsciously telling little girls around the world that the ultimate goal is to get a husband?

Barbie was slammed for being too sexist. It was an inappropriate role model for little girls because it taught them to aim for nothing more than pretty clothes and big piles of hair. Yet, no one points a finger at the movies. Around the world, hearts melt when Cinderella marries the prince, when Ariel marries the prince, when Sleeping Beauty marries the prince ( hey notice how they all get princes?? You would think normal citizens didn't get married). Yet, there's no movie that starts with a girl striking it out on her own............ending with her on her own.

Being single is alright when you're young but it's a real b***h when your older. No friends, no company, maybe no money even. My parents favourite argument 'All your friends will be married and you'll be all alone'.

So am I supposed to just jump the next guy that happens along my way? Disregard the fact that I may not like him, and he may not be too inclined toward me either? Get a marriage of convenience? Might as well marry a male nurse then, at least he'll have good training. If getting attached is so important, why did I spend all that time getting a degree, getting a Masters, working and then uproot myself halfway across the continent all in search for a better job?

I wish people wouldn't judge us on our ability to attract the opposite sex. I agree, not all of society is obsessed about marriage, but I bet that these people, are already married.

I love being single. I don't love it for the freedom, but I love it because I haven't been UN-happy being single. I suppose, it's like choosing tea over coffee, because you've always had tea, not because you hate coffee. I just wish other people, the people who matter the most to me, saw that and could be happy too.

Judge me on what I have achieved, not on what I haven't.

Waste of space

I dedicate this blog to my dearest friend, 3sm who taught me that writing letters in cyberspace is oh so therapeutic, even though they will never be read by the people they are directed to.

To my group mate Sarah, whom I had visions of clubbing like a baby seal, I give you this letter:

Dear Sarah, I wish I had the courage and b*lls to stand up and tell you what a real b***h I think you are. If you a)did not know how to do your work
b)did not want to do your work
please say so earlier and let us get on with it. Stringing us along for a week while the deadline looms over our head is not a nice thing to do. I would really like to tell you that we do not appreciate being treated like your secretary while you just sit there like a lump of earth and look bored during meetings. If there is some place else you would rather be, leave and let us feel happiness while we create a beautiful, awe-inspiring piece of work. Or else, stay and have more brain activity than an amoeba..........please.

To my colleague Matt; while I appreciate that you are from another country, your obnoxious behaviour and obvious delusion about being god's gift to womenkind is wearing thin on my nerves.

Matt,
You are obviously brimming with self confidence. The thought that
a) people do not like you
b) your comments are insulting and degradatory to me as a women and as a person of another nationality
c) your manners, while normal back home, are not acceptable to me
d) I used to think you were knowledgeable. Now, I think you're full of cr*p
have obviously never crossed your mind.

Please remember you are not in your home country but with a very wide blend of other nationalities. Being proud of your ethnicity and culture is a very good thing. I am guilty of the same thing. But please, don't force me to accept your culture when I so obviously don't want to. Allow me to retain SOME self-control over my life. Please at least acknowledge the fact that some actions may be offending to me. I try not to step on anyone's toes but you just stomp over mine. I have initially given you the benefit of the doubt and attributed the lack of manners to the cultural difference but I think it is unfair of me to assume that everyone from your country is rude. Now, I think it's just you.

Spouting phrases like, 'thank you for your smile, they inspire me to be great' or 'you inspire me to create something beautiful in this world' will not win me over. Nor will they make me think 'Golly Gee, what a great guy'.
Instead, they inspire me to stick my head in a gas oven.........just to stop the voices.


So to Sarah and Matt, please develop some respect. Respect for other people who work hard for their grade. Respect for other people who love to learn about other cultures but do have feelings of their own. Self respect for yourself. Don't let yourself down by behaving badly. I know deep down, you are good people.

But for those who are unwilling to change, you are nothing more than a lump on this earth, creating misery in other people's lives. A waste of space.

Should I, Shouldn't I

I have just confirmed and accepted the awful truth about myself. A truth that I've already known since eons ago but never accepted. I am incapable of making decisions! I don't know whether it's the lack of self confidence or the fact that I'm just ultra paranoid, I always have to second guess myself.

Perhaps this is why I never get to buy stuff when I go shopping. When I go shopping, I either look at everything and put it in my KIV file and then never come back for it, or I buy it on the spot, parade around home in it and decide it's not looking too good and then return it. At this moment, I have a blazer in my wardrobe awaiting judgement. Either the size is wrong, or the color is off. Whichever it is, I am incapable of making decisions. Normal ppl would just go out, try something on, buy it, wear it and let their friends comment on how foxy they look. Not me, nope. I have to think about it, the cost-effectiveness of it, whether it's suitable for the long term, whether I can machine wash it........etc. Hmmm, it's starting to sound like I'm a very wishy-washy person.

I really need to straighten my head out and make a decision and stick with it. No more impulse-buy. I guess it's all to do with self confidence and whether I trust myself to say that yes, I look good in this, ergo I'll buy it. Maybe I need to trust my judgement more. To hell with what other ppl think, I like it and that's that! Hmm, now all I have to do is decide what to do with my new blazer.......

Male whining and female equality

I saw this really interesting talkshow today. Yes, there ARE interesting talkshow's and yes, there ARE interesting topics being discussed. It just seems like the boring topics outnumber the interesting topics about a gazillion to one. So i'm lucky.

Back to the topic. I saw this really interesting talkshow today. It was interviewing an author that was comparing the role of men in this day and age with the men of yesteryears. According to him, men today have it tough. They have to work, pay the mortgage, be men and when they come home, they have to spend time with the family and help with dinner! Gasp of horror! Oh, the cruelty! How could you expect the poor man to spend time with his children and help with dinner? It's just absurd!!

Now, I'm grinning while listening to this man and thinking, what a wimp. Yes, men work hard. Yes, they deserve to relax at home. But.....why should they view spending time with the family and pulling their own weight at home a chore? If men really say they love their wives and family, shouldn't it be rewarding for them to play their part of father and husband? The host commented on his father's life in the 70's.......about how he would come home after a hard day's work and find dinner waiting and the children all fed and bathed and put to bed. His wife would be all made up and pretty and waiting and he'd slump in a chair and be pampered. What happened to all that?? Nowadays, men come home exhausted to find their children all hyper from the day's sugar intake, dinner isn't done cos the wife is working late and there's no one to fetch him his slippers.

Excuuse me! If this isn't called whining, I don't know what it. I was nearly rolling on the floor listening to this man! HAHAHA these are the men that curse female equality because it's caused them to lose their pampering! Shame on you! If you truly loved your wife, you would be glad that she's got a job where she can show off her talents and be rewarded for it. You wouldn't begrudge her the opportunity of tasting your cooking once in a while. If you loved your children, you wouldn't see it as a chore to bath them and feed them and play with them.

But seriously, are we women taking this 'female equality' thing a little too far? Are we campaigning a little too hard for 'women's rights'?? I mean sure, it's great we get to vote and get equal pay as men. But all in all, I just want to be swept off my feet and be treated like a lil women. Cos that's what I am. A women. Female. The fairer sex. We complain that they don't treat us as equals and then complain when they don't open the door for us. We burn our bras and argue for equal pay.......and still treat the male as the primary provider for the family. We want flowers and chocolate for no reason at all. We want to be pampered and made to feel special. We want special treatment for being a girl. Then all hell breaks lose because we WERE treated like a girl. Suddenly, we want to be treated as men's equal. But hang on, didn't we just say we wanted special treatment for being a girl?? I'm confused. There's just no pleasing us. Where do we draw the line between the two? Am I the one being confused? Am I an embarressment to the female population for thinking this way?

I hope to get some feedback. I'd like to know what the ladies think.

testing the water

a friend suggested that i try blogging as a therapeutic way of venting my frustrations. I thought it was because she couldn't take my whining anymore and wanted to get me off her back. ouch that hurt. but i knew she'd never do that cos she just isn't that kinda person. so i called her and asked about this whole bloggin business. her reply was that there won't always be someone around to hear me whine. so why not just get an outlet and vent all my frustrations out? sounds reasonable. got me thinking too. she's right, u know. i'm here all alone, separated from my friends.....have a hell of a lot to whine about. hehe maybe i should give her a break and let the world suffer from my rantings!!! beware world.....get ready to rumble!!

little background so ppl out there will understand my rantings. i'm actually in the UK but originally from a humble lil country somewhere in the South China Sea. had a good life there but after a lot of thinking, and a whole lot of 'repeated nudging' by my parents, i decided to pack my bags and venture north to a land where ppl say has an abundance of work. u know, sorta like how ppl flocked to America, Land of the Free. so here i am, stuck being a parasite in my brother's house, attempting to find work in this country. I won't bore u with details but let's just say that I found it tough being in a whole new environment, away from my friends and family. sure, big bro is here, but we've never been close and anyway, one brother does not a group of friends make.

so many times i've wondered what the heck i'm doing here. What did i hope to achieve by throwing away my job (which, by the way, i enjoyed very much) and coming to a foreign land and starting from scratch. Do we really need to be this ambitious in life? Do I REALLY need to be so ambitious? Isn't it enough that we have a good job with a stable income that gives us a comfortable life? Must we always strive to be better than what we are now? I've asked myself all these questions and yet, have not come on any answers. We see successful businessmen in the news, telling inspirational stories about how they were saved fr the brink of bankruptcy due to one brilliant idea. How they risked it all just for that one opportunity of a lifetime. And then, there are those that preach about how money isn't everything. The cancer survivors or near-death experienced survivors that say health is everything and that as long as they are healthy, it's heaven on earth for them.

But seriously, what place does ambition play in society? would the telephone have been invented if Mr Bell was content writing snail mail or yelling his grocery list out the window? Would space shuttles have been invented and Neil Armstrong been able to bounce about the moon if someone out there didn't dream of reaching for the stars?? Would we have ventured out of our caves with our bats in hand and put our opposable thumbs to good use if we were 'content with life'?

(Bear with me, I told u I like to rant.)

So, after many sleepless nights and many bus rides staring out the window, i've come to the conclusion that ambition IS necessary in society. It's just a matter of what you do with it. Some people say, 'Yup I'm gonna build me a space shuttle thingamabob.' Then they go watch tv and never build the darn thing cos well, there's always tomorrow. And then there's the people that drop everything they've been doing and go right out and blast off into space with their shuttle thingamabob. So, u either belong in category 1 or category 2. whichever u are, it doesn't matter. cos we can't all be in the same category. if we all wanted to invent new things, who would buy the things already invented? If we all wanted to be businessmen, who would make up the market?

I still haven't made up my mind which category I belong to. The jury is still out on that one. I guess now I have something new to think about on the bus everyday.